And just like that, there are only 4 more months to recite Mourner’s Kaddish. My Hebrew is a little better. I am feeling the prayers more deeply, or some of them. I spent a month only reading the English side of those long prayers we only say during minyan to remind myself of what the prayers mean, as opposed to what they sound like in Hebrew. That was a good month.
The people at minyan have changed. Most of the mourners who were there when I started have, of course, finished their course. Some of the mourners who came after I started have also ended their daily attendance. I hope that they stopped coming because they were feeling better about their loss rather than they were unfulfilled by coming to minyan. I think so.
The war in Israel is beyond scary. The 1400 people massacred on Simchas Torah may not be simply the desperate act of a desperate terrorist group but the beginning of a large, regional conflict. There are indications Iran has intentions on the West Bank, and the quantity and sophistication of firepower recently discovered in a Hamas cache show this was no one-time protest statement. Missiles continue to fall on Tel Aviv. In short, this is more Assassination of Archduke Ferdinand than 9/11. I’m not at all convinced that my prayers for Israel, its soldiers, and the captives have any more efficacy than the Kaddish I pray for my mother, but I pray for them anyway.
Only 4 more months. Time is slipping through my fingers. I am trying to forget the past, or at least the recent past, my mother’s last few months were hard, but I am not looking forward to the future. My sister finds letters from me and about me from 40 years ago. I am really trying to forget that past. I feel like I have 4 months to finish crafting a vision for my life going forward in this world. We’ll see.
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