How to Attend Minyan*

*Now that I'm experienced in these things  having attended almost daily for about 9 months

 

There is just about no wrong way to attend minyan.

Come early and just stay for the first Mourner's Kaddish. 

Come early and stay for the whole thing.

Come late.

Come really late.

Come and sit among people praying, and just stare blankly. 

Come and follow along every word in Hebrew.

Come and just read the English.

If it's Shacharit, wear tefillin. Don't wear tefillin. 

Stand. Don't stand. Say Amen. Don't say Amen.

Put money in the pushke jar. Don't put money in the pushke jar.  

Come once. Come weekly. Come every day. There are no expectations how often you will come.

You should stand for the Mourner's Kaddish if you are there for a yahrzeit (for a parent, child, or sibling, or another family member, or just a really good friend), or because you are a mourner (however you define mourner). But if you forget, or if you don't want to, no one is likely to make a fuss about you not standing.

The main "don't" is don't fidget or talk loudly. If you don't want to be there, better to just walk out. You don't need a reason to leave (the leader is singing off key, the text is boring, you can't stand the person in front of you's perfume, you're coughing, you have a tee time, etc).

The most important thing is, don't get down on yourself for coming even if you come late or leave early. You came, probably to honor someone or to learn something. That's a very nice thing.

How to attend minyan online (it helps to have a prayer book, but most congregations will send you to a virtual one if you don't have one handy):

Livestream is the easiest - no one can see you and no one knows you are there. But it can be less satisfying because if you say Kaddish, it sort of feels like you aren't saying it with anyone. 

Zoom (camera off, mute on). This is very popular. 

Zoom (camera on, mute on). This is the usual configuration for most of the online services I've been to. True, at Beth-El Zedeck, it is customary for everyone to leave their microphones on for the whole service, but it does sound a bit chaotic. If you come to our minyan, feel free to mute yourself or sing along, your choice. (Visit the BEZ website for the Zoom link and times).   

Typically mourners unmute for Mourner's Kaddish, but in my experience, this is only about 50/50. Either is OK. 

The main "don't" - please don't keep your microphone on and start driving to work on your motorcycle 2/3 of the way through the service. Makes it hard for the rest of us to hear. But, it was pretty funny.